I know that it can be hard making friends as an adult – let alone making friends in a new city! It can seem impossible to find other people that you’ll easily click with. Gone are the days of easily making friends at school – now it’s the real world and we’re all busy with our own lives!
Friendships are important to have, though. It’s nice to have people to spend time with, talk to, throw ideas around with, meet for dinner, maybe watch your cat when you go away. But it’s normal to feel lonely and a bit intimidated when moving to a new city and wanting to make friends.
If you’re up for the challenge and ready to have some friends to hang with, you’ll do just fine with these 13 tips. Just be ready to step out of your comfort zone a little and put yourself out there – it can be incredibly rewarding!
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13 Tips for Making Friends in a New City
Whether you’re in a new city for an exciting new job, needed a change after a terrible break-up, or couldn’t take the weather in your last city anymore, the truth is – it would be nice to have a friend nearby. And while you may know a few people around, you’ll want to make some new friends – and it sure is harder to make friends as an adult.
A critical thing to remember when making friends as an adult is that friendships are ever-changing. Who knows how long the people you meet will stay in your life or your city, or if either of you has the time to put effort into a good friendship. Go into this with an open mind. You may find a new best friend, a soul mate, or just a couple of friends to meet up with a couple of times a month. Decide what you are looking for and what can realistically fit into your life, and go from there.
Tip #1. Make Friends with Your Co-Workers
Assuming you don’t work from home- in which case just skip to #2, co-workers are the most obvious people to become friends with, especially in a new city. If they have lived there longer than you, they can show you around, they can give you the ins and outs of the company you’re working for, the gossip of the employees, and which bar has the best happy hour.
If your company holds social hours for networking, company dinners, or get-togethers, just go! You never know who you’ll meet or where the night will take you. Have fun and be open to conversation.
Tip #2. Set up Your Social Media
Having a “Fun” social media account and a decent following can help others get to know what kind of person you are if they are just meeting you for the first time. I mean, admit it – you stalk people’s social media too, so of course they are doing it to you! So take a look at what others are seeing. Are you posting a lot of sad, attention-seeking content? Or fun, inspirational, I’d-be-a-good-friend stuff?
Make it personal to you, of course, so people can get a clear view of what you like. Are you active outside? An animal lover? What kind of people are you trying to attract? Do you post a lot of political views?
It’s usually pretty weird if people don’t have social media…so make sure you at least have some info and some fun pictures up for when people do their snooping.
Tip #3. Join an Activity You're Interested in
Facebook pages and groups for most cities with information about local events, sports, and things to do in the area. Try to find something you might like and check it out. Maybe there’s a book club at the library you can get into, a softball team to play on, a running club, a women’s gym, or even a cake decorating or candle making class. There are lots of options if you really look.
Another way to find activities is through the library. Most libraries have a lot of activities listed inside that you can get involved in, plus they are little to no-cost. Think about what you enjoy doing or what you’d like to try doing and go for it! You can also be whoever you want to be in a new city. Want to try hiking? Join a hiking group. Love animals? Become a dog walker on the side – dog people love to chat!
Tip #4. Spend Time Outside
The more time you’re outside, the more chances you’ll have to organically meet some neighbors and potential friends. Take a walk around the block at different times of day to see who’s out – do some gardening in your front yard on the weekends, or read a book on your front porch. Say “hi” with a friendly smile. After a few times of seeing each other, strike up a conversation. Ask if they are the house with the beautiful rose bushes or the one with the cool mailbox. People love a compliment!
Neighbors are great people to have as friends. Some of course can be annoying and nosy, but overall it’s better to be on their good side. Once you feel comfortable and settled in, invite a few neighbors over for a barbecue or drinks and get to know them better.
Tip #5. Take Initiative
Sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone to make friends as an adult in a new city. They won’t just be coming up to your door, begging for you to come hang out with them. You may have to take initiative and get things started.
If you have an acquaintance you met at work, or a neighbor you’d like to become friends with, let them know you’re new to town and would love to meet for coffee over the weekend (your treat) and ask them a few questions about things to do nearby, the best grocery stores, activities, and so on.
When you take initiative and make people feel needed and like they are helping you, it starts a bond. I mean, if the person says no, then maybe they aren’t a good friend potential anyway. If they say yes, chances are they are excited to tell you all about the city, and you’ve made your first friend.
Tip #6. Don't Get Too Caught Up on Age
As adults trying to make friends, chances are that most people you run into are not going to be your exact age. And that’s ok! As long as you’re in a similar situation to someone else, you can find things in common with them at any age. One of my best friends is my neighbor who I met right after I bought my house, and she’s 10 years older than me – but our kids are the same age, and we enjoy being active and eating healthy, and that’s what our friendship grew on.
I have other friends significantly younger than me that I met through fun town activities. When you keep seeing the same people at events, you realize they must be into the same things as you, and you can build on that. Friendship can be any age as long as you have common interests.
In many ways it’s nice to have friends of all different ages – to be able to do a wide range of activities, get advice from different perspectives, and to give advice from your experiences too.
Tip #7. Volunteer
A great way to meet people in a new city is to volunteer. There’s always something to volunteer for – whether it’s at an animal shelter, a book sale at the library, at a local food pantry, or a town-wide clothing drive. You’ll meet other people who are community-oriented, helpful, and like to give back.
If you have children, volunteering in the school is a great way to meet school staff and other moms with kids the same age as yours. Volunteering to coach your kid’s sports team is another great way to get to know other parents in town with kids.
Tip #8. Accept Invitations
Once you do manage to get invited to something – go! Maybe it’s not something you’re super interested in, but it could still be a good time. And you could meet other people at the event who you click with.
Accepting invitations when trying to make friends in a new city can open you up to a lot of people and push you to try new things. Once you find your “tribe”, then you can be pickier about what invitations you accept.
For now, try to get out there as much as possible. Accept invitations that fit into your schedule. If you say no a couple of times, chances are they won’t keep inviting you, so try to take the opportunities as they arise.
Tip #9. Support Local Businesses
If you do most of your shopping locally, eat at local establishments, and throw yourself into the community, people will notice you. If you keep going to the same places, you’ll keep seeing the same people and inevitably strike up conversations.
Better yet, have an old friend come visit you in your new city and head out for a night on the town. Find a trivia night or something fun to do locally. You’ll feel like your old self with your old friend in tow and be more outgoing. Having fun and laughing make you more approachable, so you can make some new friends easily.
Tip #10. Join a Fitness Class
Joining a fitness class is an easy way to make friends as an adult in a new city – you keep seeing the same people weekly, and you sweat together! You may connect with another person on how uncoordinated you both are, how strong you both are, or how you both kind of hate the instructor. Plus, people are always in a good mood after working out and more apt to be chatty.
And again, people like compliments. Tell the girl next to you that she has great form, ask where she got her cute leggings from, or ask where a good place is to get a smoothie after the workout class.
Small talk and common interests are how friendships start! And a fitness class keeping you in shape is a huge plus.
Tip #11. Join a Meetup Group
There are plenty of groups organizing meetups for all ages – everyone knows it’s hard to make friends as adults or find people with common interests! But, there are places like meetup.com and Facebook groups you can join to get involved.
Near me, I’ve seen meet-up groups for playing poker, happy hours, mini golf, volleyball, kickball, soccer, investing, dog play dates, board game parties, bootcamps, just about anything.
On Facebook, you can just search your city, and it will show you groups near you. Some have activities and others have more helpful information about the town or places where you can ask what local restaurant has the best pizza, which dry cleaner has the best prices, and who everyone’s favorite nail person is.
Also, check out the Events tab on Facebook and it will give you ideas for local events to check out near you!
Social media is a great place to find things to do, but also be mindful and meet in a group or public setting to be safe.
Tip #12. Ask Questions & Listen
When you find someone that you’d like to be friends with, be interested in them. People love to talk about themselves. So instead of telling them all about where you came from and what you do, ask questions about them. How long have they lived here? What do they do around here for fun?
You can learn a lot about people when they talk about themselves, which also gives you a chance to see if you have enough in common to have this person become a great friend. So, take the time to ask questions and just listen. You’ll gain a lot of insight and see if there’s any potential there.
Tip #13. Be Patient
Remember that your old friends are just a phone call or car ride away, and alone time is nice after a busy work day. Get out of the house when you’re feeling it, and take the time you need when you’re not. Friendships happen organically, and many times, the people who are supposed to be in your life will just show up when they’re supposed to.
You also might start meeting people and really not vibe with them right away. Hang out a few times and see if it’s going anywhere, if you can find a common ground to build a friendship – or if you’re just totally not in sync. You will find your people with similar interests, beliefs, and humor if you keep trying and stay patient. It will happen.
Making Friends in a New City
Living in a new city can be such an exciting time in your life. Every day is different, you don’t know who you’ll meet or what you’ll find. Take it one day at a time and take it all in. Enjoy having time to yourself for once, and then focus on making some new friends. Making friends in a new city is possible – finding the truly special ones can just take a little longer and require a bit more effort!
